Mornings with coffee and cigarettes

A conversation between sometimes friends

There is this girl I like. I've liked her for awhile..for years. No one would expect me, so-called Golden Boy, to like a "nobody" like her. She has this quiet grace about her that comes from being ignored. I doubt I can use one hand to count how many people she interacts with at school. I would have never noticed her until That Day.

Sophomore Year, 5 am, Park down the street

Brooding, that's the best word to describe me right now. I walked to the swings, determined to smoke the last of my pack. I saw her there. Her chestnut curls covering a side of a porcelain face.

I walked over slowly, unsure if I should interrupt her. She was smoking a cigarette with such intensity, I felt like I was developing cancer.

She looked up, locking her emerald eyes meeting my blue.

"Yes?" She snapped

"Oh, um, this is just where I smoke at." I stumbled, quite unsure how to handle a girl that didn't want me around. I don't mean to brag, but I am one sexy mo'fucka.

"Right." She gestured for me to sit on the swing beside her.

I quickly took out a cigarette to calm my nerves.

For a so-called, "Golden", I have a sad case of neurosis. Been in therapy for years because of it.

"Galleon for your thought?" She asked wryly.

"Potterhead?"

"Always."

We smiled. It was one of first of many things we will have in common.

Present, Senior year, 5 am, Park down the street

"Hey. " I greeted.

I was sans makeup today. It doesn't matter. No one but Livvy and Tom acknowledge me.

"Christina. You look like shit." Tom said upon reaching me.

"Good morning and fuck off to you too!" I snapped.

He sighed and handed me a thermos.

"Drink your holy grail for everyone's sake? I don't want to be a victim in the inevitable mass mascacre, if you don't have your coffee." He said dryly.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my smile. i'm still mad at him from yesterday.

What happened yesterday? Why, the idiot took me to the middle of nowhere to get coffee and we got lost for hours! Hours. "Let's explore!" What a dumbass, but I already knew that.

"Are you ready for the calculus class today?" He asked

"Of course. Are you?" Pause. "Why do I bother asking?You're a hopeless sod."

He laughed. "Reading too much dramione fanfiction again?"

I swatted him. "Asshole!"

"I have a very fine ass. You have the entire female(and partial male) population that can attest for me. "

I shook my head and lit my cigarette.

5 am, Sophomore year, Park across the street

"How do you get cigarettes?" I asked her.

"You don't know what a great rack and insincere smile can give you. In my case, discount cigarettes." She said, lazily flicking the ash from her cigarette.

"Wait, you get DISCOUNT cigarettes?!" I asked, astonished.

"Yeah. Your point?How do you get your cigarettes?"

"I go to Han Store during Min shift. She likes blondes, apparently."

"I'm sure." She said dryly. "Min was my babysitter when I was a kid. She's such a bitch. "

"Really now?"

"Yeah, she would bring her boyfriends over and wouldn't feed me. So, naturally, I recorded them having sex and sent it to my wretched mother and her Pa."

"Naturally."

"Do you think I'm a bitch?"

"The loveliest kind."

We smiled.

That's when I realized I liked her. This sarcastic, patronizing know-it-all had me under her spell.

Junior Year, 5 am at the park down the street

"Hey, hey, hey." I greeted her

"Are you implying I got fat?!"

"What? No!"

"You used Fat Albert's quote on me! Meaning that you think I am FAT!"

"What day is it?"

"March 22."

"UGH! PERIOD WEEK! YOU HEAR THAT WORLD? CHRISTINA EMMA WATSON IS ON HER-"

She covered my mouth, and gave me a menacing stare. Which, by the way, totally turned me on.

I licked her hand. It tasted like raspberries. How weird? Yet again, she is weird. I am weird for being in love with her. That makes us both weird collectively.

"Disgusting." She muttered after wiping her hand.

"Whatever. Do you have any ciggys?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Is it just me, or do you prefer one eyebrow over another?"

She laughed that off-beat, somehow cute cackle of hers.

"Idiot." She said fondly.

Chapter 2

Sophomore year, Winter Holidays, 5 am at the park down the street

I was waiting for him patiently. Okay, I'm full of shit. I'm the most impatient person ever. I didn't think he would show up. The semester ended. We only have our morning conversations on the weekdays. Yet, stupidly, I hoped he would show up.

There he is! He came...not like that. God, I'm not a pervert!

His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and it was obvious he just rolled out of bed.

"Happy Holidays." He gave me a weak smile.

Concerned, I felt his forehead.

It was fine. He was fine. Why don't I believe that?

As if sensing my worry, he told me he was fine.

Fine? Right.

"I got you something." He said shyly.

I raised a brow.

"What?"

He pulled a small gift from his coat jacket.

"Here. Open it."

I did. It is cigarettes. Camel Crush.

I smiled at him, and handed him my present.

"Kools?" He smiled.

"I guess we know each other well. "

We pulled out our cigarettes simultaneously.

It was the first time he lit my cigarette.

For a smoker, this is as romantic as it gets.

Senior year, 5 am at the Park across the street

I can't believe him! I told him that Sara fucking Ling is bad news. Does he listen to me? No. Why?

Because he is a dumbass.

I took a deep drag on my cigarette, waiting for the inevitable. ie- his bitching

Tom walked towards me, a sad(pathetic) pout on his face.

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey" He said, handing me a thermos.

"Colombian? "

"Yes."

He sighed like his life is falling apart. Again.

I inhaled more smoke.

"Can I bum a stick from you?"

Silently, I handed him my pack.

"Thanks."

"What's wrong?" Idiot.

"Nothing. Why?"

"You always have this pathetic look when someone breaks up with you." I raised a brow, daring him to deny it.

He groaned.

I tried not to think of how much that turned me on. Damn hormones.

"It happened suddenly. I don't know what I did wrong..." He whined

"Hopeless." I muttered.

"Hey! When was the last time you were in a relationship?"

"Insignificant question. You know I've been seeing Chris off and on for, I don't know, a year and a half?"

He rolled his eyes.

"So, who are you going with to homecoming?"

"I'm not going. Chris is taking me to the city to see The Fratellis."

"Nice."

I laughed. "Why does that sound insincere?"

"Because it is?"

I swatted him.

My god. I love this boy.

Junior Year, 5 am at the Park Across the Street

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I forgot to get Christina her coffee.

She's going to kill me. She's going to grab my balls and...that sounds nice actually.

I was so absorbed in my perverted thoughts, I didn't realize she sat down.

She handed me a thermos.

"Coffee?"

"I'm sorry I didn't get yours...I know how"

"Shut up and take the coffee!"

"Fine. Fine." I muttered

"So, your friend Livvy is cute. "

She took a drag.

"Is she single"

She took another drag

"Christina?"

"Idiot? "

"I'm not an idiot!"

She, once again, took another drag..

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So is she? "

"Darling, Livvy is a lesbian." Christina finally told me.

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure i can convince her to change lanes." I said smugly

"I'm positive you can't." Pause. "Why are you just telling me this now? You met her a year ago."

"I don't know. She blossomed."

"You mean her tits got bigger?"

Silence

"Disgusting sod."

I shook my head, wondering when I started getting used to her insults.

Senior year, 5 am, the Park Across The Street

She was mad,heartbroken, conflicted. All the over dramatic teenage breakup bullshit.

She took drag after drag, in hopes that she can forget that horrible night.

Forget the horrible man.

Tom walked up to me, smiling cheerfully

Ugh. I don't need cheerful.

"Hey, Chrissy.What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yes"

"Positive? "

I groaned.

"Yes, Sir Dumbass"

He pouted. "No need to be mean."

"I'm a bitch today. I'm sorry...it's just Chris and I broke up last night."

He furrowed his brows. "What happened?"

"I caught him cheating on me when I went to his dorm."

I took another drag, inhaling deeply.

"He was an asshole anyway. You're too good for him."

Am I good enough for you? I thought, but said nothing.

Junior Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

Man up! I told myself. Just tell her how you feel! How can she reject you? You're handsome, smart(okay. that's a lie), funny(questionable) and sweet like sugar(vomit)

I already had 3 cigarettes to try to calm my nerves. Damn, I wish I had more xanax.

Christina walked towards me, a radiant smile on her face. I wonder whose life she is going to ruin today.

"Hey." I said nervously, handing her a thermos.

"Colombia?"

"Always."

She chuckled.

"Holy shit! How many cigs did you smoke?" She asked incredulously

"Um, I'm on my fourth."

She frowned, concerned.

"May I ask what is troubling you, and when I say ask I mean, you better tell me."

I sighed.

"Tom?"

"I like this girl"

"That's it? Why don't you tell her?" She frowned.

"I don't know how."

"Dumbass, you go up to her and tell her. That's it."

"She'll reject me."

She rolled her eyes, and muttered "Pathetic" under her breath.

"Fine. I like..."

Her phone started ringing.

"Oh, hey. Chris!" She said over the phone.

Chris?

She giggled. "Sure. I'm free tomorrow. Where are we going?"

Pause

"Oh my god! I love The Kooks! How did you get tickets? " Laugh. "Okay, I'll see you at 7!"

She hung up with a blissful smile on her face.

Please let that be her cousin. Please...

"Who is Chris?"

"A friend."

"A boyfriend?" I pressured.

"Maybe"

I've never been so heartbroken.

Sophomore year, 5 am at the park across the street

"Tom."

"Christina?"

"Dumbass?"

"Bitch?"

"Asshole?"

"Heartless woman? "

"Bastard?"

"Mudblood."

"You win! I can't believe you won! I always win." I groaned, annoyed he finally won the battle of wits. The world is ending, I decided.

He smirked.

"Do you have a cigarette?" He asked after a bit.

I rolled my eyes, and handed him my pack.

"What is this? Kools! Don't you smoke Camel?" He said excitedly.

"There was a sale. Don't freak out." I told him dryly

I bought them for you.

"You're a goddess! "

"Doubt-able. But thanks nonetheless."

They smoked without conversation, both lost in their thoughts

Senior Year, 5 am, The Park Across the Street

I should tell her...I mean she is my best friend. Doesn't she have the right to know, especially since it concerns her?

"Hey." Christina said tiredly

I handed her her thermos with a small smile

We sat there for awhile, drinking coffee and taking drag after drag.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Um, Chrissy..."

"Yes?" She sighed, and took a drag

"Do you believe in love? "

Silence

"Maybe," She responded finally. "I did..before Chris."

"Would you believe I am in love with someone?"

"No...." Pause. "You don't have that pathetic look on your face."

"What if it's a quiet love?One I had for so long, I just brushed it off...until, finally, I see it?"

She smiled.

"Then I envy the girl."

Sophomore Year, 5 am, The Park Across the Street

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I studied all night for Trig. Stupid Mr. Payne decided it's a splendid idea to schedule a test the day before Spring Break.

Christina walked over to me, looking just as tired.

"Hey"

"What a terrible morning! I stayed up until 3 just studying for that stupid trig test. God, Mr. Payne is Satan...oh here is your coffee."

I smiled. I can always count on Christina to make me smile.

Senior Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

I hate Mondays. I hate Mondays with no coffee. Tom...Tom where art thou?

As if on cue, Tom came and handed me a thermos.

"It's Ethiopian this time." He said tiredly

"Good. I need something strong."

Like the handsome man besides you, perhaps?

"How's the waitress   job going, Chrissy? "

"Wonderful. I get hit on by old men and lesbian soccer moms every night from 6-10. It's simply fabulous. It always brightens my spirits."

I rolled my eyes. He knows I hate my job.

"Well, working at Game Stop is badass."

"I'm sure." I huffed

"Don't be jeal- hey! Is that Colin?"

I looked to see what Tom was talking about...and saw no one.

"Tom...no one is there."

He shook his head.

"No, there was someone there alright."

I looked at him concernedly.

"Okay..well. I'm planning on skipping class. I want to go back to sleep and then watch American Horror Story. Asylum is finally on Netflix."

"Can I join you?"

"That sounds like a request for sex!"

"What? No! I mean, I'm tired too and want to watch Asylum."

"My cat hates you." I told him as if this will end the discussion.

"My scratches are from love."

I sighed.

"Fine. You may join...`can I say something? "

"Go on"

"You're an idiot."

Junior Year, 5 am, The Park Across the Street

"Chistina?"

"Yes?"

"Did you know today marks a year of our friendship?"

She smiled.

"Have you been marking the days?" She said, amused

"Only for you, babe."

She laughed and pecked me on the cheek.

Her lips were warm.

I felt a blush warming my face.

"I wonder if..."

"If what?" She questioned.

"If I can ever be more than friends with..."

"With Livvy? She's a lesbian, remember? "

I sighed.

This girl, beautiful, bitchy girl is clueless.

Junior Year, 5 am, The Park Across the Street

"Why did you ignore me in Chem?" I asked her

She took a deep drag from her cigarette.

"We are not supposed to talk to school." She replied, nonchalant.

"Why so?"

"We run in different circles. Yours is golden, and mine is self-imposed isolation. It baffles me why we are friends...we are so different, and yet so alike. " She mused.

"Why don't you make friends? "

"I don't have the will to make effort. Friends, like all things, are temporary. Do you honestly believe when we leave this shitty town, we will keep in touch? I'm going to NYU and you are going to a state school. I..."

"That's what skype is for. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you. "

"I don't know either."

She looked at me, her emerald eyes staring into my blue.

I wonder if this is what abandonment feels like.

Sophomore Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

He had this stupid smug smile on his face. The smile he only has when he gets laid.

I wonder who the lucky...wait? Lucky! He's your friend, and definitely not your type! Snap out of it Christina! Sarcastic, pretentious intellectuals are your type...only type. But, he is smart in his own way. Oh, and hot. Very, very hot.

I frowned, unconsciously biting my hair- a nervous habit Tom mocks mercilessly.

"Hey! " Tom shouted.

I winced. I might have drank too much last night.

"Hey." I said glumly. I always get like this when he's intimate with a girl.

"What's wrong?" He frowned, looking concerned.

"Nothing." I snapped.

I struggled to light my cigarette, the harsh wind causing the flame to die out.

Tom took the cigarette from me and lit it...in between his lips!

I made a faux-disgusted face.

"What?"

"You totally ruined my cigarette with your thin lips."

He smirked. "You were looking at my lips?"

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Well, you do have lipstick on it. Cross-dressing much?"

You can't fool yourself. You know it's from a whore...but I can fool him... That dumbass.

He pouted.

"No need to be mean."

I licked my chapped lips, trying to find a way to make an excuse on why I was so bitchy. I couldn't possibly tell him I'm , god forbid, jealous.

"Sorry. I'm just tired." I said after a few tense moments.

He rubbed my back in a soothing manner. I'm wearing a thick sweater, yet I felt like my skin was burning.

I hate emotions.

Senior Year, 5 am, The Park Across the Street

I took drag after drag of my cigarette; letting the smoke fill my lungs.

I'm so stupid. I had sex...with Cameron Griggs of all people? Most girls would be flattered at his attention- and he's been giving it to me for months. I, on the other hand, felt disgusted. I liked running from him, then giving into my sexual desires.

And now?

I regret it.

As if on cue, Tom walked up to me. A disappointed look on his handsome face.

"Hey." I said faux-cheerfully.

"Hey." He replied glumly.

I wonder if he found about Griggs and I's...night of passion.

I grimaced.

"Christina?"

I smiled weakly "Yes?"

"Um...so did you and-"

Shit. shit. shit

I presented a puzzled expression on my face.

By the Gods, someone called my cell.

"Yes?" I grumbled.

"Christina?"

Griggs. Ugh.

"What do you want?" I growled

I shouldn't be angry at him. I fucked him too.

"I..I" He stumbled

"Out with it!"

He chuckled.

"That's one of the reasons why I like you."

Like you? What...?

Silence

"Would you like to see a movie tonight?"

Silence.

"Why?" I strangled

"I..just..um like you is all." Pause. "I liked you for awhile."

I took a drag from my cigarette.

"I'll go."

"Great!I'll pick you up at 7!" He said excitedly.

I rolled my eyes and hung up.

"Who was that?" Tom asked suspiciously.

"Livvy. She wants me to meet her girlfriend." I lied effortlessly

Yes, you lie like a pro, Christina.

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

We smoked in silence the rest of the time.

I didn't notice Tom's speculating glances.

Junior Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

Christina doesn't notice the second, no, third, glances that come her way. She's grown into a beautiful young woman. I mean, she was never ugly...but over the summer, she blossomed. Her chestnut curls were longer, seemingly shinier. The glasses that she wore most of the time were gone-thanks to Lasik. She filled out, in the most seductive way. She was, quite simply, one of the most gorgeous girls in school. It didn't take long for guys to ask about her.

"Is she new? " "Does she have a boyfriend..or girlfriend?" "Damn, did you see her legs in that skirt"

It goes on and on.

Christina, as expected, just shrugs off their attention. She's been with that idiot, Chris, for 5 months now...I'm pathetic for counting. This I realize.

"Hey." Christina walked to me, smiling.

I smiled in return.

"Here's your coffee." I handed her a thermos. I know just how to make her coffee: Black with 3 sugars.

She quickly pulled out her lighter and lit a cigarette.

"So, how was your date with Him."

I hid my face, in case she saw my grimace.

"It was great! I can't believe he got tickets to see The Bright Eyes! We had to drive to Seattle just for it!"

She beamed happily at me, the little chip in her white smile enchanting me.

"How was your weekend?" She asked.

I took a drag.

"It was okay. Samantha came over."

"I thought you didn't like her?"

"She has her...uses. "

She smacked my arm.

"Disgusting sod."

She's smiling at me again.

I can't help smiling back.

Senior Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

I know she is hiding something from me...rather someone. I growled, thinking about the football musclehead known as Cameron Fucking Griggs.

"Hey" Christina greeted me, her cheeks flushed a lovely pink from the cold.

She looked around.

"Why is it so crowded here?"

"There is a 5K in the area."

She clapped her hands, excited.

"Let's make fun of them!"

"That's not nice."

She scoffed. "Who ever said I was nice? Besides I like making fun of people. It reminds me how superior I am to them ."

I laughed.

"Okay, what about that lady in the yellow spandex?" I started

"Hmmn...someone definitely forgot to tell her she looks like a giant sunflower. Okay, your turn! What about that guy with a Justin Beiber t-shirt? "

"Pedophile. No doubt about it...hmmn. What about that-" I paused. "That's Cameron Griggs!"

She squinted and then "Ohmygod! It is! Why is he here?"

"Why don't you ask if tonight. " I muttered.

"What did you say?"

Gaining confidence, "Aren't you going out with him?"

She stayed silent.

I grabbed her hand. "It's okay. Honestly, I don't care."

Liar liar liar

'"Really?" She smiled shyly.

"Yes, really." I tried to smile but I'm sure it was more like a grimace.

"Good! Because he is just a rebound...I feel slightly bad because he really likes me...but I think I can like him ...in time."

There goes your hopes, Tom.

"I'm happy for you."

She smiled.

Sophomore Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

I sighed, lazily flicking ashes on the ground. Today is the last day of school...will Tom and I still have our morning conversations tomorrow? Ever again?

"Hey."

I looked up to see the smiling face of Tom.

"I can't believe today is the last day." I said quietly.

"Hey, we are still going to see each other in the summer, yeah? You still haven't seen me shirtless, and that, my dear, is truly something to behold!"

I pushed his shoulder playfully.

"Yes, I suppose it would be."

We smiled.

Senior Year, 5 am , Park Across the Street

"Hey." I greeted Christina cheerfully.

She had a scowl on her pretty face.

Ah, it's Tuesday. She hates Tuesdays.

"Hey." She snapped.

She sat down on the swing, crossing her slim legs before lighting a cigarette.

"What's wrong?"

She took a deep drag of her cigarette.

"Cameron is getting on my nerves."

"Really? " Don't smile you idiot! don't...

"Yes! He's convinced he's in love with me!"

"What?!"

She glared. "Are you saying I am not lovable? "

"No, no..it's not that. It's just so soon."

She frowned.

"I know."

"Do you love him ? " I asked quietly.

"I don't know..."

Fuck.

She smiled at me shyly. "Who needs love when you got insecurity?"

"Yes, who does?"

We stayed silent for awhile.

Her silence was full of wonder, and if she was brave enough to admit it, it was full of hope.

His, on the other hand, was full of self-pity, and fury for not telling her before it was too late.

Junior Year, 5 am, Park Across the Street

"Hey." Christina greeted me

"Hi." She said dully. "I'm super tired. I stayed up all night finishing that stupid research paper. I better get an A!"

"Don't you always?"

She smiled.

"You are too sweet...unless you are being a right prat."

I laughed.

"So, it's Friday..."

"Brilliant deduction. "

"What are you doing tonight? "

Pause

"I'm going to use my fake id to get in a divey bar. Perhaps, get laid." She said dryly

"What about Chris?"

"We are on a break.Apparently, I can't cheat on him." She laughs

"Tsk tsk. "

"As if!" She exclaims "You cheat on your girlfriends all the time!"

"I just haven't been the right one yet..."

Well, I have one...you.

"Whatever. Lend me a cigarette."

"So,demanding. "

She smirked.

"You like it"

I laughed.

Senior Year, 5 am, Park across the street

We graduate in a few days..I don't know how I feel about it. It surprised me that Tom got into NYU..at least we will be together. But will we be together together? I can't help but think of our kiss last night. It was the first time my knees buckled. I know I am in love with him. I've known for awhile. Oh, here he is.

"Hey." Tom said softly, handing me a thermos.

"Hey" I smiled.

"I love you."

"What?" I asked, shocked but elated.

"I love you. I think you are the one..I know I'm not good enough for you. You're beautiful..but I want you to be mine...only mine. I mean. "

I shushed him with my lips.

"I love you too." I said between kisses.

The end

Epilogue

"Christina!" My mother shouted, already making her way across the airport.

"Hey, Mom." I said, before hugging her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't get to come to your college graduation..what is that? A ring!"

"Mom..."

"I guess I should call you Mom too." Tom said, coming from behind.

"Oh, gosh! Does your mother know, Tom?"

As if on cue, Mrs. Dugrey came over. "Know what?"

"Christina and Tom are getting married!"

"Oh, gosh! I'm so happy for you two!"

"Um..I'm kinda being crushed." Tom said from his mother's tight embrace.

"Oh, right. Sorry sorry...I'm so happy you found the one! " She looked at me. "Welcome to the family."

I smiled, blushing while holding Tom's hand.

Our mothers walked off, talking excitedly about wedding plans.

"I love you." Tom said, smiling.

"I love you too."

"Smoke break?"

I laughed.

It's where it all started.